mike brown
Consumer Education: A Guide to Buying Hard Goods
From Issue 197, May 2005
In today’s fast-paced world, it’s easy to drown in the shitty seas of capitalism while trying to purchase frivolous items needed to contain our boredom between eating, shitting and fucking. Basically, that’s what we are all on this planet to do, right? Eat, shit, fuck. The rest is just killing time between the next fabulous meal and all three at the same time if you’re lucky. … read more
Mike Brown’s Self-Help Column
From Issue 149, May 2001
Dear Mike Brown,
My problem is of a perverse nature. And judging by your last two articles, you are no stranger to perversity. I am a 17 year old male who likes to make love to fruit. I don’t really like to think of it as masturbation—it’s a much more intimate process for me than just firing one off in a Little America bathroom stall. … read more
Oh, Bill Burroughs, How I Heart Thee
For my SLUG article this month, I talked the editors into letting me use Burroughs’s cut up method. So if this article doesn’t make any sense to you, drop some acid and read it again. Trust me, it will work. … read more
Mike Brown: 2012 – Bring it
Truth be told, the apocalypse used to scare the stool right out of me. Once I solidified my spiritual views as not spiritual at all, I decided that you couldn’t really claim Atheism and believe in the end of the world because god or some stupid Mayan Calendar or Nostradamus said so. None of them have been right so far, so what’s gonna make 2012 any different? … read more
Mike Brown: The ICP Show
I call the local Juggalo hotline about once a week to see what the local hatchet flinging community is up to. When I got wind that the Insane Clown Posse was coming to Saltair, I felt a responsibility to go and cover it and try to get an interview with the head clowns. Mission accomplished. Check out the photo gallery.
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Mike Brown: House Party
With the changing of the leaves and the brisk fall air, something begins to happen. And with this comes the return of the epic house party! House Party season correlates well with football season. And since I hate football, I’m gonna write about some stupid shit I’ve done at other people’s houses over the years. … read more
Fistfuck Facebook
Facebooking fits well with the theme I gave my life for year number thirty, which is to become everything I’ve ever hated so I can find more things to like. So I bought a fixed-gear bike, an iPhone, and a couple of V-necks. Now I know how to update my FB status on the nations fastest 3G network while doing a track stand and exposing my three chest hairs … read more
Mike Brown: Things I Hate
So Snuggles, the guy who’s been illustrating my articles as of late, suggested that I write about my favorite possessions, and that he would bring them to life via SLUG Magazine. I looked around my apartment for my favorite things and a massive writers block fell on my face. I’m sorry, Snuggles, but it’s so much easier for me to write about shit I hate. … read more
Mike Brown: Mormon Weddings
Have you ever been to a Mormon wedding? Gosh, I sure have. Lots of them, because I come from a big, darn Mormon family. As a tribute to them, I will only use Mormon swears in this article. … read more
Mike Brown: My Afternoon at General Distributing
I decided to head out to the local General Distributing plant to tour the facility and see if we could get any employees to drink with us. … read more