mike brown
Mike Brown’s Monthly Dirt: Internet Dating: an Interview with Dick...
I have a good friend who started up an eHarmony account a few months ago, and I decided to interview him about his experience. His name is Dick Snot. He is a very intriguing person, and the fact that he went on eHarmony is funny in itself. Dick Snot is very introverted, especially around women. Dick Snot is also incredibly sincere, honest and open. He truly doesn’t give a fuck, but not in that negative punk rock way.
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Mike Brown’s Monthly Dirt: The Weird Shit In My Apartment
I thought that SLUG readers would appreciate a verbal glimpse into my living conditions. When someone comes into my apartment for the first time, they usually seem a bit overwhelmed. Other than the John Stockton shrine that my living room has become, and other miscellaneous Jazz memorabilia adorning the crib, there’s really no method to the chaos. But, as one girl who had never been here before put it, “There’s so much I could Instagram in here!” … read more
Mike Brown’s Monthly Dirt: Natturday!
For those who don’t know, Natturday is the unofficial last day of the year at one of my favorite places on this big stupid Earth, Brighton Resort. Natty Light hosts a beach bash and turns the resort into a tailgate of legendary proportions. The first time I discovered Natturday was a few years ago when I was asked to judge a bikini contest. It was great: I sat there and was fed beers while half-naked girls tried to win stupid prizes by dancing around in the snow. … read more
Mike Brown: Twitter!
One of those amazing digital tools that has affected me personally over the last year has been Twitter. I’ve become obsessed with it as of late, and I have noticed that a lot of my friends completely don’t understand Twitter. The concept is simple, but its appeal might not be. As far as social media goes, it’s kind of like Facebook and MySpace had a one-night stand of intense fucking while their retarded older cousin, Friendster, stood in the corner and watched. … read more
Mike Brown’s Official Guide to Sobriety
This January, I did something I haven’t done in a long time—I got sober. I know what you must be thinking: This had to have been court ordered, right? No. There was no rock bottom, no moment of clarity, no family intervention and no admitting I was powerless over a liquid. It was just a simple New Year’s resolution to do a bit of self-reflection. Who knows, maybe I would save some money, too? … read more
Mike Brown: Skyrim – The Elder Scrolls Have Got Me...
I don’t fuck with my Xbox very often. Our relationship is like that of a Mormon married couple—we go months and months without touching each other. And I’m very particular about what games I want to play. To most people’s surprise, I don’t play NBA 2K12. No, I play those shitty RPG games that nerds who never get laid made famous. The game that currently has me by the balls? Skyrim. … read more
Mike Brown: Occupy NBA
One night while I was balls deep in a sea of Jim Beam and Budweiser at one of my favorite downtown dives, the Jackalope, I was checking my twitter feed, which was flooded with #OccupyWallStreet crap. Then it struck me—I could single-handedly save basketball. #OccupyNBA was born. It was time to take action. … read more
Mike Brown: Boy Scouts
Amidst my teenage rebellion years and before my parents put me in drug rehab, I was a member of the classic American institution of the Boy Scouts of America. Although I never achieved the prestigious award of Eagle Scout, I conquered many merit badges and learned how to pitch a tent, both in my scout shorts and in the woods. … read more
Family Dinner
In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I’d like to write about family dinners. Thanksgiving weekend is an awesome time of year, unless you work retail or hate your family. It’s a time to teach the children that us white people did not, in fact, fuck over the Indians, because there was an awesome dinner with Pocahontas and Squanto who taught the pilgrims how to gut a turkey or some shit like that. … read more
Mike Brown: My White Truck
I had the same white truck for 14 years. A few weeks ago I sold my truck to a guy named Dick Weed. I’m not sure how that’s gonna look on the bill of sale, but he was excited to buy it and I was excited to sell it. As Dick Weed and his girlfriend were driving away, a little piece of my heart cracked and I felt like I was selling my dog or my child into slavery. … read more