I Missed Jane’s Addiction… And Lived to Tell About It (A Review of Sorts)

A major dilemma worked its way into my life recently. You see, I found out back in January that Jane’s Addiction was going to storm into town sometime in March, most likely during spring break. Upon hearing the news, my head started spinning, and I got the burning sensation, you know, down there. Jane’s Addiction is coming to Salt Lake?! To Salt Lake? Hot Shit, Hot Shit, Oh Boy, Hot Shit!!!

After a few tranquilizers, I calmed down and continued whatever insignificant act I was doing at the time. After all, it was only a rumor. With time the rumor became reality, and a date was set: March 19. According to my books, that would be right smack in the middle of spring break. Something really didn’t seem right; let’s see, spring break vacation, Los Angeles-surfing, partying, away from Salt Lake… Heaven… BUT I HAVE TO MISS JANE’S ADDICTION!

It is truly a cruel world, isn’t it? Sure, there is poverty, crime and drug laws, but for hell’s sake I have to miss the one band I am most interested in seeing, the one band that produced the hottest debut album, maybe of all time–Well, actually I found out it isn’t their debut album, but that one is better anyway–the one band that you can count on putting on a kick-ass show just because they are so unique and mysterious, the bad that almost defines the words “hip” and “diverse.”

Well, I go to LA, have a nice time relaxing, drinking beer and soaking up the sun. I go to a few clubs that have decent blues bands. While I was scouring the band listing in a local paper, I found out JA would be playing in LA, too. However, I didn’t see any other bands that had the SOLD OUT message on their dates. I started to realize I just may have missed the event of the year. I didn’t bother to call my roommates to find out how the show was—why spoil a good trip.

On the way home I stopped in St. George to visit my roommate’s sister. After a half hour of good conversation with her, it dawned on me that she had been in Salt Lake for the concert. I was amazed that she hadn’t said anything about it. I finally asked her myself. “Oh, you really didn’t miss anything, it sucked. We were barely late and they only played twenty minutes.” This did not shock me after all; she wasn’t a real fan and probably didn’t know any of the songs. Besides, how can she complain, if she shows up late?

Well, I make it home, at last, being greeted by both my roommates and another friend. This time I don’t have to pry. “It sucked,” they exclaimed in unison. Hold on a second, these are people who claim to be as fanatical as myself, and they didn’t like it? Not only that, they very much disliked it. I pulled Lori aside the next day and asked for details. “They were the worst, I never want to hear them again. Perry’s voice sucked. They only played for a half an hour. And they were real assholes. Perry started slamming his microphone on the drums then bitched about the shitty sound during their encore. What a let down.”

Then I asked another friend for more details. “Oh yeah, they were pretty atrocious. I did however get to party with the bass player and the drummer afterwards. I gave them a lot of shit because of their image they have tried so hard to achieve.” Hmm, that is a total of five strikes. One more and they will be out, twice. I began to believe it. I consulted Phil. “It was great, man, I was right up front”. “How much did you have to drink?” I asked. “Oh, about a fifth and an odd beer here and there.”

What this all boils down to is that Jane’s Addiction just didn’t perform the way that everyone expected them to. Maybe they are just a bunch of assholes on an ego trip and don’t give a shit about their audiences. Then again, it could have just been a bad night. Whatever it was, I supposed I am the only one who was satisfied with my outcome of the whole Jane’s Addiction thing. Maybe I should be happy I missed the show, because I still think their albums are the best. Besides, I have the video and I can watch it whenever I want. –Davis