Hankerings for the Hangover: Top 8 Local Cure-Alls

We’ve seen this play out before: A quick lager with your crew morphs into an inevitable bar crawl through the heart of downtown SLC. Beers become cocktails; cocktails become a round of shots. The last recollection you have is a pelvic thrust on the corner of State Street and West Temple. Now it’s noon and your head is ten sizes too big, as you projectile-vomit multicolored regret. How will this ever go away? With the help of SLUG Magazine, of course! Escape the hangover blues with eight of the best local eateries dishing out a grease fire of salty goodness.

Bruges Belgian Bistro

Conveniently located across from a state liquor store in Sugarhouse, Bruges Belgian Bistro is the perfect pick-me-up after a night of reckless bacchanalia. Gaze fondly upon the replica statue of the infamous Manneken Pis, vaguely recalling the copious bathroom pilgrimages of the prior evening, and lose yourself in the hearty goodness of a Belgian breakfast. I prefer to keep it simple with the Favorite ($8), a sweet liège waffle with crême fraiche and strawberries, but I’ve heard from my more carnivorous friends that the savory meat waffles and warm sandwiches are delightfully greasy, too. The thick, yeasted dough always fills the pit in my stomach and the fresh fruit topping provides the vague sense that I’m healing my body, one bite at a time. You can’t forget a large order of Frites ($13.25), either—perusing the overwhelming selection of aiolis might make any lingering dizziness worse, so don’t worry because I’ll tell you which one is best: it’s the Andalouse, with basil and cayenne. –Asha Pruitt

Rancherito’s Mexican Food

It’s happened to me a hundred times: face first in the porcelain throne, liver feels like it’s imploding, waking up wearing ruby red, lace lingerie… No amount of Tylenol can halt my body’s self-destruction. Luckily, scattered across the Wasatch Front, the fluorescent, beaming sanctuary of Rancherito’s Mexican Food shines a 24-hour searchlight for those suffering from delirium tremens. Their rogue gallery of breakfast burritos ($7–$9) soaks up the rot-gut symptoms with a slicedand-diced rickle of starchy potato hash, crisped chorizo or bacon and shredded cheese tucked into a flaky tortilla blunt. Need something with an extra umph? Perhaps the infamous mound of Carne Asada Fries ($13) might do the trick! Lightsaber-green guacamole, bustin’ sour cream and Mexican-style cheese piledrived on top of Yukon golden french fries—that’s what miracles are made of. Although the ill-advised decisions of last night may remain somewhere imbedded in your Snapchat Memories, you won’t have  to worry about the hangover again. –Alton Barnhart

Crown Burgers

What can I say that hasn’t already been said about Crown Burgers? The founders of the family-owned joint, the Katzourakis brothers, are patron saints in my book, picking me up with an outstretched hand from the heavens. I am a lightweight when it comes to drinking and sit comfortably at two-beers-drunk. This is a source of pride for me, but it also means that even a glass of wine leaves me feeling sick in the morning, Pedialyte be damned. The cure for me in college—and even now, when I am feeling nostalgic—was always the pastrami cheeseburger: Him, the iconic Crown Burger ($8.99). Where else could you spend under $10 for a certifiably fucked-up burger? (I mean that as a compliment.) I used to eat mine in the medieval-themed restaurant in a two-person booth. While that may sound miserable, I highly recommend it. It’s a near-religious experience to regain your strength and sanity at Crown Burgers. But if you can’t bear to leave the house, they now offer delivery. –wphughes

Somi Vietnamese Bistro

The moment I awake feeling the consequences of last night’s decisions, the intense sodium cravings hit—even before the “Oh God, what have I done?” thoughts have a chance to kick in. The most immediate remedy to these physical and psychological ailments lies within a bowl of steaming hot broth with enough onions to render me unkissable for the next 24 hours; the most consistent delivery of this cure comes from SOMI Vietnamese Bistro. The comfort that a bowl of SOMI’s Vegetable Pho ($14) offers is so great that the guilt of the delivery fee leaving my bank account is null and void, if only briefly. If you slurp up Sriracha-doused noodles and tofu chunks with enough vigor, the hang-xious thoughts can’t get to you. Plus, the bean sprouts counteract at least some of the unhealthy choices. A rich, salty broth is the lubricant that greases the wheels to assess the previous night’s regrettable actions. –Emma Anderson

Hash Kitchen – Draper

You startle awake, sweaty and panicked. You need to sop up the mistakes (Four Lokos) of the night before—ones that will haunt you until the next time you black out after pissing in a sink in front of your dearest friends and situationship. (Wait, you guys haven’t done that before?) Who will save you? Takeout from Hash Kitchen – Draper, that’s who. I say takeout because the indoor atmosphere is not for the hungover faint of heart. Think millennial Pinterest board of your nightmares, DJ included. Get in and get out! Pick up the phone (you’re too hungover for phone anxiety anyway) and place an order of the Best F#*%cking Birria Hash ($22) for a full meal of slow chile-braised beef, hash potatoes, mozzarella cheese, three tortillas, fried eggs and the real savior: consommé. Try not to shoot the whole cup all at once and thank me later. –Yonni Uribe

Hruska’s Kolaches

The first time I went to Hruska’s Kolaches, my friend forced me out of bed at 7 a.m. to get there before they sold out for the day. I later learned that this masochistic behavior was completely unnecessary if you go mid-week. As long as you drag your liquor-soaked self out of bed before noon, Hruska’s offers sweet relief from your Smirnoff Sunday, margarita Monday, tequila Tuesday, wine Wednesday or Twisted Tea Thursday. For the uninitiated, a kolach is a Czech pastry that comes in both sweet and savory varieties at Hruska’s—fruit, eggs, bacon or veggies tucked into delicious, round dough balls. At four bucks a pop, you can probably scrape up the cash with whatever’s left from your Twilite Lounge ATM withdrawal. There’s not much room to sit inside, so eat them perched on the curb out front, nursing your bruises from crashing your Lime scooter or launching off the mechanical bull at the Westerner Club. It’s the perfect way to atone for your sins!
–Rose Shimberg

Forty Three Bakery

My ideal wild night of drinking requires equal parts feeling boujee and being messy. The magic happens at the nexus of knowing you’ve gotten sloppy and not giving a shit because you feel really hot. That’s what I want the morning after binge drinking as well: a sexy breakfast sandwich worthy of Instagram fame, even though I’m just going to devour it on my couch like the nasty little goblin I am. That sandwich is the Hot and Honey ($9) from Forty Three Bakery. It’s got the most stunning brioche bun you’ve ever seen, a perfect fried egg, avocado, greens, pepperoni (oh yeah, baby!) and a hot honey drizzle that’s so distractingly delicious you’ll forget how truly disgusting all those mojitos left you feeling this morning. Turn it into the hangover trifecta with an iced latte and a fresh pastry (try the Raspberry Vanilla Bean Danish) and you’ll be set for the most indulgent, feral-girl hangover breakfast you’ve ever had. –Mads Cole

Piper Down Pub

Thanks to its large dining hall, Piper Down Pub is my number-one destination for plonking down and processing the waves of post-drinking shame. Remember when you felt impossibly good? Now you feel impossibly bad, and you’re surrounded by sports and drinking memorabilia that motivate a whole culture of intoxication. It might be that Piper Down is for the boys, but it knowingly sells that aspect of the atmosphere and accommodates. There’s a whole vegan menu (try the Vegan Smothered Leprechaun for $9), a Bloody Mary cart that has saved my life more than once and a live music stage for weekly events. If your hangover gets extra nasty, there’s ample seating beyond the main hall, including an upstairs rooftop where you can safely hide your indignity in the recesses beyond the purview of wait staff. You’ll get your eggs when you get them—after last night, do you really deserve better? –Parker Scott Mortensen

Read more features on local food:
The Ultimate Foodie Gift Guide from the Neighborhood Hive
Central 9th Market: A Stone Fruit Salad for the End of Summer