SLUG SXSW 2014 Stats – Day Five 03.15

SLUGger: Cody Kirkland, Digital Content Coordinator
Number of shows: 6
Number of FREE alcoholic beverages: 3
Food item of the day: Giant “Funky Monkey” doughnut from Gourdough’s food truck: Cream cheese frosting and fried bananas!
Number of parties attended: 1
Number of Herschel flip-top backpacks: 27
Amount of swag: 1 bag of Cool Ranch Doritos.

-4:45 p.m. Pizza Underground/Ugly Fest @ Chain Drive = Both Thumbs Up
-6:30 p.m. Dinos Boys/Burgermania III Day Show @ Hotel Vegas = Thumbs Up
-7:45 p.m. Radar Eyes/Sailor Jerry Presents @ Gypsy Lounge = Thumbs Sideways
-9:10 p.m. Chris Mitchell @ Elephant Room = Both Thumbs Down
-11:45 p.m. Youth Code/Sailor Jerry Presents @ Gypsy Lounge = Thumbs Up [Pictured]
-12:45 a.m. King Dude/Sailor Jerry Presents @ Gypsy Lounge = Both Thumbs Up

Best show of the day:
-4:45 Pizza Underground/Ugly Fest @ Chain Drive

I’m a huge fan of both The Velvet Underground and pizza, so a pizza-themed Weird Al–style VU cover band was sure to appease my dad joke appetite. They played “I’m Waiting for the Delivery Man,” “All Tomorrow’s Pizzas” and the Lou Reed solo song, “Have a Bite of Crust” (“Satellite of Love”), among many other cheesy renditions of classic Nico, Lou Reed and Velvet Underground tunes. Special guests to the stage included Edie Breadstick and Nevermound—dead Kurt Cobain from the future who sang Nirvana songs in the past tense. The venue was packed and the spirits were high, with a pizza box being passed around for some reason. It was a welcome respite from the self-importance and posturing of some of East Austin’s showcases.

Worst show of the day:
-9:10 Chris Mitchell @ Elephant Room

My fellow correspondent, Lead Designer Josh Joye, mentioned that a lot of good jazz shows happen at the Elephant Room, so I picked an act—Chris Mitchell—and went to see him play. I had never heard of him or his music before aside from a 10-second clip on the Internet. I was expecting some old-school free jazz, but what I found downstairs in the Elephant Room was appalling. Mitchell entered the dim room from the back with his saxophone, shoving it in the faces of the patrons in the aisle as he showed off his shitty mall jazz licks. They lapped it up. Mitchell spent the next 30 minutes alternating between aisle and darkened stage, sax and clarinet, playing one shitty song after another. It was like watching a man masturbate onstage in front of an adoring audience. If I hadn’t already bought an overpriced beer, I would have walked out after a minute. That’s enough, Chris Mitchell.