Ring Rats Anonymous: UCW TV TAPING (12th Anniversary Show) @ UCW Arena 03.22

To be fair, no one in the arena actually called this a “3 Way Dance.” I’ve just been watching a shit ton of ECW lately (whattup Network?). This is Zack James’ big push, and dammit if I’m not happy we’re finally here. James’ moveset is a real thing of beauty (I’m repeating myself here, but these pearls o’ wisdom bear repeating). Jason Jaxon led the match from the outset, keeping both James and Dallas Murdock locked in the ropes or mashed into the mat, but James is nothing if not resilient. Don’t get me wrong: I was a little bit nervous about a match that essentially featured 3 babyfaces, but it worked SO WELL. Long story short, Zack James holds the UCW Heavyweight title, and based on his ecstatic facial expressions (and the fact that both Jaxon and Murdock lent a congratulatory handshake to him at the end), I’d say he’s over the moon about it. Good for you, Zack. You’ve truly earned it.

 

In the company of legends, Stevie Slick’s pasty chicken legs looked all the more … well, pasty. You may remember Deuce Domino from his run in WWE alongside Cliff Compton, and if you’re a mark, you should be familiar with Tom Howard as an accomplished trainer (the dude trained John Cena), but if you’re not familiar with “Superfly” Jimmy Snuka, then you need to stop reading this review right now, fire up that Youtube gimmick and do everything you can to find his infamous altercation with Roddy Piper (it involves a coconut), and also his “Snuka spots” off the top of the MSG cage. Hell, even his early ECW stuff. The dude’s a certified legend, and seeing him pacing the ring in his signature tiger stripes and headband took me back just a ways. It was a great match, everyone getting their licks in. My favorite segment was Derrick Jannetty trying to goof on Domino’s rockabilly moves, profaning his jacket and such, only to be suplexed into oblivion immediately following. I shan’t reveal the rest. You know the adage. Writing about wrestling is like dancing about poetry. There’s only so much I can convey with the keyboard. Fear not, humble (s)marks. This’ll hit the Net in due time.

 

Snuka spots and leather studded jackets to those who came out, and a condescending “bo-ring!” chant to those who flaked. Be sure to roll out for the next taping on April 5 (yeah, that’s Wrestlemania eve) at the UCW arena (47 S. Orange St.). Follow UCW-Zero on Facebook and Twitter, and subscribe to their YouTube channel. Oh, and above all else, remember that everything sucks until that classic bad guy trundles into the squared circle. Stay heel.