Authors: Princess Kennedy
Princess Kennedy: Stupid Cupid
It’s here! That wonderful time of year, when couples are forced to show their undying love for each other through overpriced bouquets of flowers, vomit-inducing quips by Hallmark and obligatory boxes of chocolates. I’ve kept it no secret that I’d rather lose a limb than be coupled, but what I hate more is feeling bad about it. As I’ve said, my opposition to relationships comes from my poor choice in partners—my last boyfriend was a porn actor and the one before him was a male prostitute. … read more
Princess Kennedy: Tranamatronic
Back in the day, I worked as a go-go dancer at a club in San Francisco called Litter Box. The DJ was none other than the amazing Nature Boy, and he made sure that his go-go clan was made up of the most beautiful freaks of the underground scene. On my first night, I shared a go-go box with a beautiful redhead wearing a floor-length, sky blue 70s Grecian-style dress whom I later came to know as Ms. Ana Matronic, who made me realize that real girls could be drag queens, too. … read more
Princess Kennedy: Fur Is a Drag
“Fur is a Drag” is a nationwide event to raise awareness of animal cruelty through drag queen lip syncs and a fashion show. “‘Fur is a Drag’ is a fun way to bring attention to the violent and bloody fur trade. We want people to realize that there’s nothing cool or glamorous about animals being anally electrocuted, having their necks snapped or having the fur ripped off their backs while still conscious,” straight edge activist and PETA employee Matt Bruce told me regarding the event. … read more
Princess Kennedy: Miss Goodwitch
When I was a young queen, around 18 years old, you could say I was rather wicked. I showed no discretion when acting like a little bitch. I expected the world to be handed to me on a silver platter. I slept with my friends’ boyfriends and talked about them behind their backs. I was the little cunt who mailed people with bad acne facial sanding pamphlets and fat people diet tips. I would go to a dance club with a squirt gun full of perm solution and spray people’s hair. … read more
Princess Kennedy: Sketchy Princess
One thing I love about SLC is the art scene. Dr. Sketchy’s is a nationwide sort of artist draw-a-thon that happens once a month at a bar where artists have a certain amount of time to sketch a live model on stage while enjoying good music and libation. I decided to venture down to Bar Deluxe a few months ago to take a look and see what Maggie Zukowski has brought to the Salt Lake chapter. … read more
Princess Kennedy: Team Gay
I was raised with four older brothers. As you can imagine, sports were important … to them. I had one brother who was sports obsessed. You know the one: captain of everything. Once at age four, we watched him pole vault himself into impalement. Somehow, the pole missed every vital organ, but at the emergency room as we watched the doctor reach up his new anus and pull tar from his back, I was put off sports (and fisting) forever! … read more
Princess Kennedy: Thrift Whore
Let’s face it: In this struggling economy, we are definitely pinching our pennies, especially when it comes to fashion. The pickings often seem slim in SLC, feeling like Pib’s and Decades are all we have apart from the clone-like Deseret Industries. This prompted me to do something I never do: go out of my comfort zone by venturing past 2100 South to see what other stores are out in this great Salt City. … read more
Princess Kennedy: PK Gets an ID
To do anything on this planet, you have to have legal identification, such as a passport, driver’s license or State ID. It seems that in this pretty great state, the motherfuckers at the Driver License Division have decided that if you are trans identified in any way, you don’t deserve a state-issued ID, and that, my fellow sympathizers, is FUCKED UP. … read more
Princess Kennedy: Human Garbage
This month SLUG is celebrating John Waters and his works and accomplishments. I would like to fill you in on why we, as an LGBT community, celebrate him. Quite frankly, it’s because he is the filthiest human in the world. Let me rephrase––he is the most outwardly expressive and unapologetic piece of human garbage. To the untrained reader, it might seem that I am bashing Waters, but trust me, in some circles of filth, this is a huge compliment. … read more
Welcome to the Kennedoll House
Thanksgiving is a day I look forward to. I love to cook, and this is the perfect day to show off my culinary talents. I don’t know what it is about this day that turns this night-clubbing diva into a sentimental ‘50s housewife, but I go all out with the formal place settings and a menu that spans the board from the vegan to the pot eater, and ends in an open house cocktail party. … read more