Authors: Mike Brown
Mike Brown: Quitting Smoking
Kurt Vonnegut once said that smoking is the only honorable form of suicide. I suppose that opinion is debatable, but then so is bacon, chocolate and Mormonism. Cigs give you cancer, bacon gives you heart attacks, chocolate gives you diabetes, and Mormonism will bore you to death. And if death is inevitable, then doesn’t that mean that we all are just committing suicide a tiny bit each and every day somehow?
Mike Brown: The DI
You can criticize the Mormons all you want. As far as organizations go, they are easy to hate, but you can’t argue with some of the great things they do for the community … and I’m not talking about free cheese. I’m talking about the Mormon-backed retail outlet that draws numerous consumers to its stores every day but Sunday. No, not City Creek. … read more
Mike Brown: Beard Guy
It’s official: I’m now a beard guy. I realized this while I was at work the other day. Another man with a beard commented on my beard, then gave me a compliment for it. I didn’t realize it until after the encounter, but he was expecting some sort of positive reciprocation about his beard. … read more
MIke Brown: Technology with Jon Larsen
Anytime I need anything done regarding technology, I rely on my close friend, Jon Larsen. Whether it’s pirating software for my stupid Mac or just help figuring out my remote control, his vast knowledge of wires and everything electronic comes in handy. I thought that he would be the perfect guy to interview about technology. … read more
Mike Brown: Moving
I lived in the same apartment for 12 fast years. Time flies when you are as drunk as I am. Several roommates had come and gone: some complete deadbeats, some amazing lesbians whom I never had to ask to clean, and one methhead who took down all my blinds for no reason and stole my watch. … read more
Mike Brown’s Crafting Disasters
I’m no good at making anything. Luckily, we live in a society where you don’t really have to be good at making anything or doing anything. For anything I would actually need done or made, there’s someone or some company I can hire to do it for me. The only craft or service I consistently supply for myself, I guess, would be masturbating. … read more
Mike Brown’s State of the Union Address, but for Juggalos
First and foremost, I need to preface this article with the fact that I, Mike Brown, am not a Juggalo. I know a lot of you don’t believe me when I say that, but it’s a fact. I’m more of an ambassador that can speak their ridiculous and not-so-cryptic language. As I’ve stated before, I am their Jane Goodall and they are my chimps. … read more
Mike Brown’s Ride-a-Long: Viva la Magna!
Oh, the beloved Beer Issue—close to my heart and even closer to my liver. As usual, I get to use the Beer Issue as a chance to twist some tops and bend some elbows on someone else’s dime while pretending to write a serious article, and it’s the one time of year where the SLUG editors can’t give me any shit for writing my column drunk. It’s possible to slur in an article—if you’ve ever read any of my zines, then you already know that. … read more
Mike Brown’s Monthly Dirt: Mike Brown’s Big Adventure
Me and my bike are much like P.W. Herman—before he ever masturbated in public—and his special two-wheeler, in that we have both been on many adventures together. Both of our bikes have been stolen and retrieved with little aid from proper authorities, as clearly evidenced in the famous ’80s documentary, Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure. My tale of thievery is a bit different, but there are several parallels. … read more
Mike Brown’s Monthly Dirt: Ogling the Olympics with Faye Gulini
Growing up in the Salt Lake shred scene, running into a pro shred head really isn’t a big deal. I’ve shared beers and blunts with several of them over the years, but they shall remain nameless due to the industry’s tendency toward drug testing these days. I’ve never had the chance to share a beer with a pro who got a taste of the Olympics, until Faye Gulini was kind enough to split a pitcher with me and her BF, Lil Jeff. … read more