Authors: Mike Brown
Mike Brown’s Monthly Dirt: Jazz Nation Predictions
If you know me at all, you know it’s safe to say I’m somewhat of a narcissist and only truly care about three things in life: my cat Jet Pack, free drinks and the Utah Jazz. … read more
Mike Brown’s Monthly Dirt: Yer Out of Here! Kicked Out...
The whole time I’ve been part of the Fucktards, we have never had to kick anyone out. Sure, dudes have quit, but I’ve never had to drop the axe. I suppose getting kicked out of the Fucktards would be like flunking special ed: very improbable and more embarrassing than being in my band in the first place. … read more
Mike Brown: High School
The leaves are changing, the temperature is dropping and another glorious, globally warmed summer is over. September is here, and if you aren’t already cutting class by the time you read this, you should be. … read more
Mike Brown’s Monthly Dirt: Jet Pack Meets Patty The Psychic
Jet Pack’s birthday is this month, so I thought it would be cool to get him a pet psychic reading to see what he would like for his birthday, and pick his brain about some other things, like why he’s been barfing so much lately and where he poops. … read more
Mike Brown: Miss Utah!!!
A few weeks ago, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing the current Miss Utah. The last time I interacted with a pageant queen was when I was asked to show a former Miss Utah how to skateboard on the live morning local newscast. Needless to say, she ended up eating street on live TV
Mike Brown: My Name is Mike Brown
My name is Mike Brown. It is a plain and boring name. When my parents were initially going to name me, they wanted to name me Matt but decided that was too common of a name. True story.
Mike Brown: The Beer Garden
Apparently, just like actual SLUG readers, IRL slugs are attracted to the sugar in the beer—but they drink too much, get drunk and drown in the beer.
Mike Brown: My Favorite Presidents
This month, I’ve chosen to write about those great men that lead our great country and how they are all great and stuff. These fine men adorn our currency and fuck with it when they are in office. They sometimes act like assholes and are easy targets for everyone to hate, but probably have one of the easiest jobs in the world because other assholes are making the real decisions and doing their job for them.
Mike Brown: New Year’s Resolutions
If I set New Year’s resolutions for myself, I’m just going to fail miserably and hurt my own feelings—and I’m a pretty sensitive guy when I’m sober. So, the only thing I’m changing in 2015 is my underwear. That being said, I came up with some New Year’s resolutions that I would like to see from other people.
