Authors: Mike Brown
Mike Brown: Hover Boards
I was recently confronted outside a local tavern in the wee hours of the morning after a busy night of drinking. A man I had never met before accused me of writing some stuff that had upset some of his friends. The friends in question were legendary skateboarders Chris Senn and John Cardiel. I haven’t written about anything regarding skateboarding in damn near two years. If anything, I was pumped those dudes would even read any shit I ever wrote. … read more
Mike Brown: Rob Packer
This month, Mike Brown is tasked with rounding up SLC’s local drunks, but it’s proving to be harder than it sounds. … read more
Mike Brown: It’s My Birthday
I’ve had some pretty epic birthdays in my lifetime. I am the egocentric asshole who celebrates it for at least a week straight. I think everyone should do this. It means more parties, more birthday shots and, most importantly, more presents. Life is fragile, beautiful and precious, so why is it celebrated for just one fucking day? We should do it up like Hanukkah. I could seriously convert to Judaism just for loving the idea of getting gifts for half of the month. … read more
Mike Brown: My First Tattoo
Like all my articles, this article is about me. I’m very narcissistic. This one is not about receiving my first tattoo, but giving my first tattoo. Aside from never holding a tattoo gun in my hands before, anyone who has read my zine and seen my comics knows what a terrible artist I am, although I am pretty good at drawing boobs. On July 15, Good Times was having their 11-year anniversary and celebrating by giving away $20 tattoos all day. … read more
Mike Brown: Salty Peaks
A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, I worked in a snowboard shop. Sometimes I didn’t work very hard, but most of the time I worked harder than a donkey in a coal mine. That could be a really bad analogy, since I don’t know if donkeys were allowed in coal mines, but I like the idea of donkeys wielding pickaxes. This snowboard shop was Salty Peaks. … read more
Mike Brown: My White Truck
I had the same white truck for 14 years. A few weeks ago I sold my truck to a guy named Dick Weed. I’m not sure how that’s gonna look on the bill of sale, but he was excited to buy it and I was excited to sell it. As Dick Weed and his girlfriend were driving away, a little piece of my heart cracked and I felt like I was selling my dog or my child into slavery. … read more
Family Dinner
In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I’d like to write about family dinners. Thanksgiving weekend is an awesome time of year, unless you work retail or hate your family. It’s a time to teach the children that us white people did not, in fact, fuck over the Indians, because there was an awesome dinner with Pocahontas and Squanto who taught the pilgrims how to gut a turkey or some shit like that. … read more
Mike Brown: Boy Scouts
Amidst my teenage rebellion years and before my parents put me in drug rehab, I was a member of the classic American institution of the Boy Scouts of America. Although I never achieved the prestigious award of Eagle Scout, I conquered many merit badges and learned how to pitch a tent, both in my scout shorts and in the woods. … read more
Mike Brown: Skyrim – The Elder Scrolls Have Got Me...
I don’t fuck with my Xbox very often. Our relationship is like that of a Mormon married couple—we go months and months without touching each other. And I’m very particular about what games I want to play. To most people’s surprise, I don’t play NBA 2K12. No, I play those shitty RPG games that nerds who never get laid made famous. The game that currently has me by the balls? Skyrim. … read more
Mike Brown: Occupy NBA
One night while I was balls deep in a sea of Jim Beam and Budweiser at one of my favorite downtown dives, the Jackalope, I was checking my twitter feed, which was flooded with #OccupyWallStreet crap. Then it struck me—I could single-handedly save basketball. #OccupyNBA was born. It was time to take action. … read more