Authors: Mike Brown
Mike Brown Gets All Twiztid
I’ve decided that this is the last time I write about Juggalos for a while. Sorry folks, but after attending the Twiztid show, I think the clowns are finally on to me. I know it’s not the same caliber of journalism as a reporter covering the war first hand, dodging bullets while taking notes. But I once again ventured into the eye of the Juggalo hurricane with nothing but a metaphorical umbrella and matching pink galoshes. … read more
Mike Brown: I’m Drunk Right Now
I’m drunk right now. How drunk? Well not so drunk that I can’t write this article, but drunk enough that I might slur in it. Not so drunk that I’ll forget my train of thought, but drunk enough that I might crash that train. But fuck it, it’s the beer issue so I might as well take full advantage of the adverse effects of alcohol and at least write one article for SLUG while wasted. … read more
Mike Brown: Zines and Shit
So I write a zine and shit. Zack Hammers, an imaginary skateboarder I made up, wanted to interview me about my zine, The Leviathan. So I kindly obliged, even though Zack Hammers is a total asshole. I respect him because he’s not afraid to ask the tough questions. … read more
Mike Brown: Boobs
When I asked the SLUG editors what they wanted me to write my article about this month, they were very specific. They told me not to write it about Mike Brown Fest 5 (Urban Lounge, Oct 30). Instead, they specifically asked me to write about things I am familiar with. The editors asked me to write about boobs, even though they both have boobs and I don’t. Now I’m faced with the challenge of writing 850 words about tits with a broken pinkie finger. I like a challenge. … read more
Mike Brown Stalks His Ex-GF
Ah, the one that got away. The one you thought would last forever and ever and ever, keeping your stomach full of delightful butterflies. The one that first ripped your heart out Indiana Jones-style and introduces you to the cruel ways of love. The one who got hooked on crystal meth and made you realize you had to break up with her via a collect call from the county jail. This was my first serious girlfriend. … read more
Mike Brown: Crazy Crazy Cats
It’s no secret that I love my cat Jet Pack. I used to hate cats. I still hate most cats. Most cats are selfish pretentious dicks. They think they know everything and can do whatever the fuck they want. Sounds like most hipsters I know. I bet if cats listened to music their record collections would totally suck. But Jet Pack? Nope, he’s awesome and here’s why. … read more
Mike Brown: Hate Mail
Hate mail. I don’t get nearly enough of it. Unless you define hate mail as mail I hate getting—like parking ticket subpoenas or credit card bills. I don’t mind junk mail, although I’m not a junkie or coupon user, junk mail makes me feel special. Like I’m somebody. Out of all the people on the planet, this huge corporation took time out of their busy schedule to bombard me with shit I’m just going to throw away. … read more
Mike Brown: Home Sweet Home
I hope to God, if there is one, that my landlord doesn’t read this article. I’m not concerned so much about the maintenance guy giving this page a gander. He’s a nice dude, but never really fixes anything in my apartment, anyway. I’m OK with not getting my deposit back, but I really like my apartment and an eviction at this point would likely be justified by the next 800 or so words. But fuck it … You all want to know how I live, right? … read more
Mike Brown: Speed Dating on Speed
So, here’s how it all started. My friend Grace (same Grace who pretended to be my wife when we stalked my ex-girlfriend) heard about speed dating and wanted to try it. I told her I would go with her, but I wanted to do some speed beforehand, strictly so I could name the article “Speed Dating on Speed.” … read more
Mike Brown: Destruction
There are some stories I just cannot share with SLUG readers. Not because I don’t want to—my fingers yearn to type a trail of madness for you all to enjoy—but sometimes the emotional and legal ramifications that a public, published piece regarding destruction could potentially cause isn’t worth the gamble. But as time goes on, the heat dies down, the evidence becomes more admissible and the story becomes safer to publish. This is one such story. … read more