Six Deep Descents into Deseret Industries’ Bargain Bin

If you’ve read SLUG’s September Local Fashion Issue (if you haven’t, you definitely should), you know that I’m a treasure hunter of sorts. No matter the ma and pa charity shop or big-chain Goodwill, nothing goes untouched when I’m out on an archeological adventure. When my love for hand-me-down oddities brushes with my passion for movies, however, it’s a match made in thrifted heaven. So here they are: six lesser-known flicks, whether on a physical DVD or VHS (shocking nowadays) or fished out from the DI’s wheelie bin. Will they be burner discs or prized cult-classics? Let’s see what I’ve uncovered, shall we?

The Colony (Season One)
Discovery Channel
Released: 07.21.09

Imagine you’re held hostage in a darkly-lit room, forced to stay awake for 36 hours while being fed information that the world outside has officially ended. Now, you’re thrust into 100 acres of abandoned, apocalyptic wasteland once known as Los Angeles  along with nine other “volunteers,” and all you’re told to do is survive. That is the core concept of the Discovery Channel reality show The Colony. This was an absolute pleasure to watch, as you observe these LARPing individuals apply their skill sets in a fabricated landscape of possible impending doom. All is real to them—scavenging food, filtering water, repurposing junkyard scraps into another day of being alive. However, with only two seasons, it looks like The Colony didn’t survive the ratings. 

Thrasher Presents: Beer Helmet
High Speed Productions
Released: 2005

Crack open a cold one and piss off the closest mall security guard—we got ourselves an original skateboard video from the new millennium. Researching this fish-eye wonder, I came up a little short on overall background info. I know it features brandless skateboard powerhouses (of the time) like Chet Childress and Diego “The Butcher” Bucchieri. I know the film carried that nomadic, globe-trotting skate tour style like the old CKY videos, traveling from Baja California and Australia. Above all, it’s a solid vid of empty pool-surfing and street shedding. Too bad it got tossed around between both Deseret Industries and Savers…

Mobsters and Mormons 
Director: John Mayor
Halestorm Entertainment 
Released: 09.09.05

After spilling the beans to the FBI about the mob operation in Philadelphia, Carmine Pasquale (Mark DeCarlo) and his family are placed into the Witness Protection Program and sent across the country to Happy Valley, Utah. In order to keep a low profile, they must blend in with the predominantly Mormon culture. Although some of the writing may have dried up over the years, with jokes about no gambling or caffeinated beverages, there’s a kindness to the movie that I think both the faithful and non-believers could enjoy. Plus, there’s some side story about a racketeering scheme through the use of scrapbooking… if someone wants to decode that for me.  

Santo y Blue Demon contra Drácula y el Hombre Lobo 
Director: Miguel M. Delgado
Cinematográfica Calderón 
Released: 07.26.73

When two luchador legends are summoned to take on two of Universal Studios monsters, God helps those who dare get in their way! And you thought Freddy vs. Jason was an epic crossover. This looks like the biggest bootleg I’ve ever found. The cover art looks like a sun-beaten wrestling poster from Ensenada and the DVD rivals laser disc in its almost paper-thin case. With a touch of Spanish soap opera and a flair of vintage grindhouse exploitation, it’s a killer watch for Halloween. I wouldn’t be surprised, though, if this disc was secretly stealing my social security information through my television set. 

Mononoke (Complete Series)
Director: Kenji Nakamura
Toei Animation
Released: 07.12.07 

Evil spirits beware when The Medicine Seller steps foot in feudal Japan. Mononoke was one of those short-run animes that needs to get more recognition. The art style alone looks like a collaboration painting between 17th-century painter Ukiyo-e and hypebeast pop artist Takashi Murakami. The fight scenes are brutally elegant like a Swan Lake ballet, and as violent as Berserk. Plus, labeling itself as a horror anime checks out, but not in the “Hail Satan” slasher type of way. More like a sensory “get these maggots out of my head!” way. I would’ve stolen it from my public library too, because according to the Salt Lake Public Library stickers, it looks like someone did. 

Main Street Electrical Parade Farewell Season
The Walt Disney Company 
Released: 1996

We got a VHS tape, ladies and gentlemen! A very special one, in fact. As a final homage to their parade of dazzling neon and childlike wonderment, the House of Mouse released this tape for future generations to enjoy. I personally remember throwing on this movie before the family’s big magical trip to Southern California, nearly killing my VCR in the process. It was like an amusement park pregame for kids! Although the physical tape was half-baked at the intro and Cinderella’s performance could go with a few fewer benzos, I still got a sense of nostalgia watching this mouse-shaped gem. 

Read more of Alton’s exclusives:
Another Man’s Treasure at the Redwood Drive-In Theatre Swap Meet 
The Brooks Nielsen Interview: When You’re Living in a Dream